Introduction
Iron Man 2 is an action comedy film set to the backdrop of the Cold War. It was commissioned by Joseph McCarthy in 1950, entered production hell and only managed to resurface in 2010, which is exactly what happened with Watchmen (2009). Interestingly, Alan Moore refused to watch both films on the grounds that he couldn’t remember “which one [he’d] fucking written”. Oh, Alan – he’s so full of the joys of being one of the most respected graphic novel authors.
As a film, it is a wonderful example of what can happen when propaganda meets a creative medium meets propaganda, and deals primarily with Western superiority over the ‘Red Menace’, African-American rights, anti-Semitism, and Massive Science. As controversial now as it was when McCarthy collaborated with escaped Nazi scientists to come up with the idea, Iron Man 2 is a cinematic gem. With a very ironic self-awareness of irony-within-irony-within-irony (or IronThree, as I will coin it), it’s as entertaining as it is thought-provoking; which is very!
Characters:
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| Iron Man 2 relaxes after a monster session on Minecraft |
Handsome rogue and former class-A drug addict Robert Downey Jr. plays Iron Man 2, a scientist who has been tasked by the government to defeat the Soviet Union in what was then known as The Element Race. The antagonist is Ivan Vanko (Mickey Rourke), who joins forces with Justin Hammerstein (Sam Rockwell), a wealthy American-Jewish businessman, to attempt to defeat Iron Man 2. Scarlett Johansson plays Natasha Romanoff, a sexy Russian whore and double agent who Iron Man 2 falls in love with. There are more characters, too.
Plot:
At the beginning of Iron Man 2, Iron Man 2 is involved in the inauguration of the US’ first black Lieutenant Colonel, James Rhodes (Don Cheadle). The two form a great friendship on the foundation of an unspoken mutual attraction and their love of nuclear arms. Early in the film there is a very Hitchcockian scene where Rhodes voyeuristically observes Iron Man 2 undress and rim Romanoff, who it becomes clear is his bottom bitch within the harem that is headed by Mistress Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow – my favourite Welsh actress).
As a counterpoint to this, Vanko is shown to have a loveless relationship with a woman whom he refers to only as his ‘bird’. Vanko’s father is revealed to have worked closely with Iron Man 2’s (Iron Man 1) on the development of the ‘Fat Man’, the atomic bomb that was detonated over Nagasaki in 1945. These initial scenes are predominantly of a drunken Vanko shooting hard heroin and shouting at his ‘bird’ “the fucked will fuck the fucker”, a motif that is repeated throughout the film, and, from what I can tell, was the only phrase that Rourke could actually clearly articulate in Russian [or at all].
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| Hammerstein creates the Rockwell Scale |
Iron Man 2’s childhood friend, Hammerstein, has become a wealthy businessman, but is constantly belittled by his former friend, who refers to Hammerstein’s success as ‘kike’s luck’. This flagrant anti-Semitism doesn’t let up, and is never resolved adequately. Resentful of his friend’s prejudices, and aware of the fact that Iron Man 2 has been hired by the US military to research new elements, Hammerstein begins his own research into - a gross molestation of the fourth wall - the ‘Rockwell Scale’.
Whilst Iron Man 2 is busy researching and fucking, Hammerstein and Vanko form an alliance in order to undermine the security of the nation, as well as get one over on that bully Iron Man 2! However, with the aid of a British Intelligence Agent, Jarvis (Paul Bettany), Iron Man 2 manages to discover and synthesise a new element: Iron. In a very convoluted piece of exposition, it becomes clear that it was in fact Iron Man 1 who first discovered Iron, but couldn’t discover it because the technology wasn’t available at the time, or something – LOL, I’m obviously not smart enough to understand this! But, wait – Romanoff steals the plan that Iron Man 2 made for Iron, and takes it to Hammerstein and Vanko, who (with the vast resources of Hammerstein and the genetic knowledge of Vanko (because apparently knowledge is passed genetically (well, it is with Monarch butterflies, anyway))) manage to synthesise a weaker version of the new element, which, in case you’ve forgotten, is called Iron.
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| Iron Man 2 |
At the American Expo, which was a national event held in the Cold War Times to show the might of the USA, Iron Man 2 gets ready to show everyone his new element, Iron, not knowing that Hammerstein and Vanko plan on exposing their own, cheaper version of the element. There is a scene showing that Hammerstein and Vanko plan on making the element available to the masses, whereas Iron Man 2 intends on allowing use of it for military applications alone.
When the expo gets in full swing, both parties reveal their hands. There is mass confusion, but Iron Man 2 arrogantly strides across to the Hammerstein-Vanko synthesised unit and administers the only test that has been proven to show the strength of Iron... the Rockwell Scale. Hammerstein is aghast that his own scientific method is being applied against him, and it is at this point that Vanko reveals he has sold vast quantities of the Hammerstein-Vanko synthesised Iron to the USSR, blame being immediately placed onto the new Lieutenant Colonel; at the same time Romanoff discovers the corpse of Jarvis, who Iron Man 2 has killed after the successful creation of Iron, repeating the sin of his father, Iron Man 1, who had killed the original Venko. And, with the uncertainty of world security, unanswered questions, and multiple plot holes the film ends.
But does it? After the credits finish there is a sequence showing the discovery of the Nordic God Thor’s Iron hammer in the desert – wait, what the fuck?
Conclusion:
The fact that they still make films that pit the West against the East makes me as sick as a paraplegic being ordered to swim the breadth of the English Channel to save the lives of his three children.
Positive: Good fun
Negative: A bit too irony
Best line: Iron Man 2 [to Romanoff]: “Don’t just look at it – eat it.”
Out of ten: FIVE ()
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