Introduction
I enjoy Mel Gibson films when he plays an action-orientated detective-type in the modern day. So, when I was told, back in 1999, that he was going to be an action-orientated farmer in not the modern day, needless to say, I was anticipatory in my emoticons: ({‘}_{.}).
It’s worth getting all that zany racist shit out of the way first – yeah, he’s gone whackyshack recently and has been spouting out vulgar, racist abuse and, as a black Jew, I can see why people would be offended, but seriously, have any of you selfish cunts who go around playa hating Mel considered employing an iota of empathy? Imagine this:
Your [insert male relative] has recently come off the booze and is finding it difficult. There’s not much support in your local area for people going through this, and because of the cyclical nature of alcoholism he is unkeen to seek help, but at the same time desperately requires it. This ambivalence towards his own disposition makes him unstable, and you worry that he may be suffering from mental illness. In any normal society, the welfare state (if your country doesn’t have a welfare state then it must be really shit) would help out to ensure that your [male relative] is screened to see if he needs help. In the case of your father, it turns out that he does, because he was severely beaten by a racist, anti-Semitic father at an early age, and horrible, bigoted views have become entrenched in his otherwise unprejudiced, but tragically damaged, brain. Now, because [your male relative] has you to support him, he receives all of the help he needs and recovers.
Mel Gibson doesn’t have you in his life. He’s all alone. He sits in one of his mansions as his condition slowly deteriorates and all the media does is assault him, calling him a sadistic racist and making out that he’s Patron King of Kunts. He’s not – he just needs help. We have a civil responsibility to help Mel Gibson. Let’s not forget that he was the one who pushed for the first interracial gay kiss in Lethal Weapon 2 (citation needed). He’s best buddies with archetypal black medium Whoopi Goldberg, who I assume also has some Jew in her. Poor Mel Gibson. This kind of reaction to his minor misdemeanours must be all the more confusing for him. “WhadidIdo, mate? Why’s everyone always so maaaad at me?” He’s basically an affluent homeless person; an oxymoron.
And we see this confusion ferment in The Patriot.
Characters:
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| Tom Wilkinson as Ben Franklin in the fantastic HBO series, John Adams |
Mel Gibson plays a detective working for the CIA undercover as a farmer, co-habiting with this common-law husband Heath Ledger. Together they foster a group of confused children who believe that they will never age. There’s also an appearance by one of my favourite actors of all time – Tom Wilkinson. This man doesn’t get enough work, full stop. His range is as expansive as anti-communist sentiment in America during the cold war. If I had the cash I would hire him to hang around my house performing different accents and reminiscing about his various television roles; he would crawl around my flat with a fake cockney accent saying, “five shillings for a kiss, five shillings for a kiss”.
Plot:
Mel Gibson and his family of miscreants move to Charlestown, where King George and his friends are holding a seminar about existentialism –
Wait – let’s remove the historiography of America, because you can basically receive a PhD in early American history by watching the fantastic HBO series John Adams, which is the only thing I can stand Paul Giamatti in.
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| Paul Giamatti in the stellar John Adams |
So, anyway, Gibson complains about tyrants, or something, and raises nihilism as a viable alternative, stating that war is “fought amongst [ourselves]” and the concept of Self needs to be extrapolated more broadly, i.e. not merely a reverence of self (small ‘s’), but a clearer understanding of the construct of Self. One very telling scene early in the film conveys a shockingly accurate itinerary of the career for a younger Heath Ledger, even stipulating that Nolan would be set to direct the Dark Knight and Jack Nicholson would NOT reprise his role as the Joker. These kind of foresights, it was later revealed, were based on predictions made by Gibson himself, who claimed to have received the information in a series of epiphanies that upon waking left him fatigued and juicy.
Early in the film it’s revealed that Ledger has a secret lover he refers to as ‘Toe Mouse’ – he explains to Toe Mouse that Wilkinson has invaded Charlestown. British insurgency continues, mainly involving men educated at Eaton; these Jolly Brits callously shoot one of Gibson’s immortal children who asks his father with his dying breath “why does I die?”. The British officer criticises his syntax, referring to the child as a “stupid boy”. And it’s at this point, as Heath Ledger gets violently bummed by redcoats, that Gibson begins to lose his mind.
Going rogue, Gibson’s menstrual cycle goes on overdrive until he meets with a very courteous Wilkinson who explains the importance of being a gentleman. Gibson ignores EVERYTHING and blames the isolated incident of his son being shot on the entire British army; typical generalisation. Not much more happens over the next hour and Wilkinson – thankfully – survives to act another day and Gibson and his family move to an island. Interestingly, unlike Braveheart, Gibson does not die, so there is no martyrdom.
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| The sensational Tom Wilkinson |
The majority of the film is a montage of Gibson wandering aimlessly through a forest with passersby asking if he ‘needs help’. The only response Gibson can muster is a series of grunts. It is only through this peripatetic perambulation that Gibson stumbles upon Wilkinson’s house, and in a moment of sobriety expresses his dissatisfaction with the British ditching slavery, claiming that in the future they will “roam the world in packs”. Wilkinson, holding back his typically English impotent rage, explains to Gibson that this will not be the case. All Gibson does is wink at him, knowingly.
Conclusion:
Positive: This is a cutting psychological drama and a serious ‘do-not-miss’.
Negative: Null.
Best line: Gibson [to Ledger]: “They tell me that one day you will be a great actor, but like the hero Achilles you will too be destined to a tragically short life; The Nolan will convey a tale of a Dark Knight and you will play the antagonist where a failing Emperor once stood; you will violate Jake Gyllenhaal and witness Anne Hathaway’s tits...” it goes on like this, but a great adlib nevertheless.
Out of ten: FIVE ()
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